This has always been one of my favourite passages and it moved me deeply today to hear it read during altar call. 

But what blew me away has got to be the message version. Enjoy.

Psalm 119

 ^1-8 You’re blessed when you stay on course,

walking steadily on the road revealed by God. 
   You’re blessed when you follow his directions, 
      doing your best to find him. 
   That’s right—you don’t go off on your own; 
      you walk straight along the road he set. 
   You, God, prescribed the right way to live; 
      now you expect us to live it. 
   Oh, that my steps might be steady, 
      keeping to the course you set; 
   Then I’d never have any regrets 
      in comparing my life with your counsel. 
   I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; 
      I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. 
   I’m going to do what you tell me to do; 
      don’t ever walk off and leave me.

 ^9-16 How can a young person live a clean life? 
      By carefully reading the map of your Word. 
   I’m single-minded in pursuit of you; 
      don’t let me miss the road signs you’ve posted. 
   I’ve banked your promises in the vault of my heart 
      so I won’t sin myself bankrupt. 
   Be blessed, God; 
      train me in your ways of wise living. 
   I’ll transfer to my lips 
      all the counsel that comes from your mouth; 
   I delight far more in what you tell me about living 
      than in gathering a pile of riches. 
   I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you, 
      I attentively watch how you’ve done it. 
   I relish everything you’ve told me of life, 
      I won’t forget a word of it.

On Fasting

Firstly, I’m such a little miss kindergarden christian! 

On the last week of December I remember feeling very non-excited about many things, not at peace with myself and also sort of disheartened and disappointed at situation X, Y and Z. As I was praying I felt God impressed  upon my heart to fast and pray. 

Usually I dont have any problems with fasting what with my very irregular diet, atrocious eating habits, disconnection with food (very unusual for the singaporean I know) and my consequentially shrinking stomach (means, I dont really get hungry often). Then I felt God prompting me to give up something that would be painful. First thing that popped into my head? COFFEE. 

In my heart I was beating my chest and yelling like a gorilla. Ive never gone without my morning fix for as long as I remember and as long as I’ve had super yellow teeth. I thought I shouldnt torture myself and fast from something else. But yeah you get that kind of prompting you can’t really play cheat right? Who am I kidding? The one who knows everything? 

So when I fasted it was so annoying. I woke up the day before I was supposed to start my fast and I felt sick to my stomach as the caffeine craving start nudging my mind. So bad! I thought, imagine this craving and not being able to satisfy it. Argh. There were heaps of aimless moments in the morning where I’d walk around the kitchen, doing my usual patrol of the shelf and boiling hot water only to realise that Yo, no coffee, lady. Veryyyy sad. I dont know what to do in the mornings anymore. It feels incomplete. Bad mood. Headaches. Oh the headaches, the withdrawals. Sometimes I get it for almost 2/3 of my day and I get super distracted. 

The point is, I wasn’t supposed to complain when I’m fasting (that’s why I’m making up for it by complaining now). But no, it’s not counted, because the PAIN cannot be fully unleashed and elaborated while I was in the midst of my pain! Ok sorry, my point is!!!! Because I was so aware (due to all that headache and internal whining) it also made me very sensitive to why I decided to do it – and that is, I’m supposed to be praying, interceding for something. AND… even when I’ve had a long day and didn’t really get time to seek God in between, I feel like i HAVE to no matter how tired I was at the end of the night because I dont wanna waste it. Yeah I know, I’m such a kid. But I was like, man, I’m fasting for 14 days and I’m going to make this worth it. Cant be denying myself something and not making this day count by praying! 

Not the best thought process I guess but it still pushed me to pray?! 

So today marks the end of my 14 day fast from caffeine. I wanna say that at the end of 14 days, I didnt go ‘Yay, time for coffee!’ and jumped straight into the kitchen for my morning fix again. In fact, I didnt feel like I need to. 

But throughout the 14 days I enjoyed setting myself apart from God to pray so much that I really want to do it again. I thinking fasting helps us to be come more purposeful, focused and disciplined in our spiritual habits. 

And as for the outcome of my prayers? SOmething did happen. But for me to share another day.  

Hope you like my super random and whiny fasting post. And sorry (especially to Tpan) for wasting 2 minutes of your life!

We are responsible

We say that, at the end of the day, that those things we experienced, those things we felt so deeply for, are a phase, that they’re fake, that they’re just a moment of hankering,  and a part and parcel of growing up, of us being emotional - when they dont happen, when we grow up. Not because they really are, but because it makes us feel better. It makes us feel better that we didnt fight hard enough, it makes use feel less guilty about not having enough faith. It makes us feel better that we are ordinary, that our lives are mundane, normal, that we discount miracles, we second guess the hand of God, and that we convinced ourselves that there’s no such thing as extraordinary, when it comes to us, when it comes to me. 

But today I will say no. They are real. Not fake. 

They become fake only when we lose faith. They become idealistic only when we are not willing to fight hard enough. They are only feelings when we dont believe in the hand of God. 

Afterall, since when has faith been easy? In the jail where Paul ’s been thrown into after preaching the gospel? In the lion’s den? When Moses was ankle-deep in the red sea? When Esther had to face the king for her people and thought, if she perish, she perishes? When has it been easy? 

We are responsible for the passions that God placed in our hearts. 

What does the Bible say

There are many things we do that aint’ black or white. We call’em the ‘Grey Areas’. 

There are some ‘grey areas’ in our lives that dont seem to have straightforward answers. It ranges from stuff we touched on during the cow-tipping series like drinking, money, relationships… Is drinking ok? Is it even necessary? Should I spend money on this and that? How much should I give to bless, how much can I Keep for myself?  Am I ready for a relationship? Is this relationship god-glorifying..etc. 

How far should we go for someone before we stop? What exactly is ‘going the extra mile for someone’? Am I wrong if I dont? Or am I wrong if I only do that for someone I like? How about someone I dont like? Is it ok if I am angry at someone if they sin against me? Why cant I be angry? Is it ok to be angry, what is the right response? 

The question is

Is going the extra mile for someone something that Jesus would do?

Is going the extra mile for someone that you dont like, something that Jesus would do?

Is loving someone who sinned against you, something that Jesus would do?

Is loving and forgiving someone who have perhaps, even trampled on your grace and niceness, something that Jesus would do?

I dont have to be there for someone whom I dont agree with. I dont have to keep peace with someone who is apathetic or indifferent towards me. I dont have to keep trying hard to be there for someone who doesn’t want me to be there. 

But what would Jesus do? 

What is the loving thing to do?

What is the kind thing to do?

What is the gentle, loving, kind, gracious, thing to do? 

There are many grey areas in the world now. The bible doesn’t give us a list of yes and nos. 

But sometimes, maybe it isn’t that grey. The bible did say Jesus came to us in love and that our greatest commandment is to love.

gecko adventures!

So yesterday! I heard a scream from the bathroom while on the phone and realised that a gecko had fallen into the bathtub!!! 

How traumatizing! To have a gecko sharing a bath tub with you. Utter invasion of privacy! 

So we tried to scare it and make it run away. But oh! The bath tub is toooo slipperry!!!! It kept sliding back down. =( 

So us girls didnt have the heart to kill it or wack it with a broom. But neither do we have enough love to pick it up (touch it? no way!) and so we left it overnight to see if it’d escape…or beckon its comrades to thee so as to devise a wise strategy of rescue. 

But next morning (which is today) came and ah! gecko still in bath tub! no comrades, no rescue strategy, no band of brothers to the help of the little man left behind! 

Poor little gecko! It was obviously feeling really discouraged. 

But dude, by 3pm, I was really sticky and needed to bathe pronto!!!

I didnt wanna kill it or anything. (What with big beady eyes looking at me, how sad!) 

So I decided to try scaring it off with a hair dryer! 

I thought, what with hot air blowing at me and stuff, surely I must have renewed urgency to run! Away from this monstrosity! (Or so I thought the gecko would think in its little mind)

Yup.. I took hair dryer and aimed it at the little man. It was frantick! My plan worked! But for like 3 minutes after, it suddenly went DEAD STILL!!!!!

I stooped abit closer to look at its little face and ARGHHHH. its eyes were closed and its mouth was hanging open!!! Like a portrait of the death! Like the face of someone who had fought too hard but has no strength left in its little soul!!!

I was extremely upset and went crying downstairs to my housemate. 

‘I killed it! I think I killed it!!! Oh no I didnt mean it!!! But I think it got so scared it died!!!”

She was like, what?! (I wasn’t so sure if she was happy or just amused)

She went back up, took a closer look as well. But before we were to pronounce Gecko Man officially dead, it moved!!!!! And opened its beady eyes once again!

I didnt kill him! What a relief! But now…HOW!? I still need to bathe!!! 

Anyway, because Gecko had been so drained from all that running, he finally decided to not struggle so much and let us (ok, mel) scoop him up with a bright pink fly swatter and put him gently into a priceline pharmacy plastic bag. 

We then proceeded to release the poor, hungry, tired little thing back into the wild.

What an adventure!

I mean, it’s not like I hate the dude. But man, you just cannot be going around trying to fall into random bath tubs and share a shower area with the ladies! 

So yeah. I took my shower. What bliss!!!!!!! 

Bye little Gecko man! I hope you never have to get into trouble again. The next person might not be as kind!

PDE

Been a while since I’ve posted. Been too busy, disjointed and distracted to properly write anything good or organize my thoughts. 

Anyway! I heard this phrase somewhere and thought it was pretty insightful. 

People often don’t know what they’re looking for until they fall in love with something/someone. And then, that most recent thing they fall in love with will become the kind of thing/person they are looking for and it changes what they thought they wanted all their life. It doesn’t mean that what they have always wanted before is wrong, or that we are making a mistake by being distracted by what we see and love now as compared to something completely different that attracted us before. It just means that we don’t know better before with limited information and influence. And we need to actually meet them before we fully discover what feels more and more right. And that in turn changes our previous less informed perspective of what is good for us and our new perspective is reshaped by the new things we learn. 

I think it makes sense. I also think its abit too long of a explanation and break down for something really simple, like, perhaps say…They’ve simply changed their minds!

fair trade

who dies first?

The health gap between men and women widens every year. Men die sooner. Each of the 15 leading causes of death is more likely to kill them. Men have growing rates of psychological problems. Men are more likely to die as crime victims. Men shun doctors when they are sick and avoid checkups when they are well.

 

Are men going extinct? That’s the provocative question posed by the First World Congress on Men’s Health, being held this week in Vienna, Austria.

 

And yes, men’s famous unwillingness to grapple with their emotions plays a role.

“Often for both physical issues and emotional issues, men have trouble dealing with their emotions,” says Kasson, professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. “I don’t go along with all the men-are-from-Mars-women- are-from-Venus stuff, but it is true, by and large, that men find it difficult to get in touch with their own emotions and confide in others. There is this problem with admitting the need for help and seeking help — it isn’t seen as manly.”

“Men want to be better men,” Bonhomme says. “We have to reverse the paradigm. Men see going to a doctor now to be admitting some kind of weakness or personal failure. Instead, they should see it as an ally of masculinity, something that can help you manage their independence, their vigor, and their functionality. And we need to stop shaming men and boys to always have to deny their pain.”

 

So moral of story? 

Tell me about your feelings!!!!!!!!

 

I wonder what are Your thoughts?

Hey you, I sat beside you and laid my hand across your cheek. Did you know I’ve been here the whole night? You were quivering in your sleep. What a nightmare I had to help erase from your memory! You are comfortable now. Will you get up? It’s time to watch the sunrise I’ve painted for you. You are wondering about my thoughts. If only you know that I’m waiting for  you to quickly arise and feel the air. For I’ve freshened up the earth for your arrival to daylight, I’ve made the sky a different shade of blue. I hoped all of these made you feel special. I guess I’ll just wait. Although I know what you’re doing and what you are thinking I like to be near. Who likes to watch their loved ones from a distance? I don’t. That’s what I feel. You are asking when I feel happy. When I see you take a slow walk and trail your fingers along the leaves and flowers that I’ve sewn with the gentlest colours of a coming spring, it makes me smile. When I feel the kindness together with you as you smile at a bubbling child or scratch a purring kitten’s neck, there I felt at ease when you are at peace. You wonder when I’m sad. And my omniscience being blazed up with a dull discontent and shaky grief as I gather memories of you in my big god hands.

blast from the past!

Was doing a random google and chanced upon this!!!!!!!!! (NOT ATTACHING THE LINK)

Was on some article about an academic bursary I received from church. …This was a small write up they did on each of the awardees!

 

 

Saturday 19 June 2004

(insert big ugly picture of me (i)before braces (ii)before i discovered the magik of hair conditioner) 

(MY FULL NAME) is currently studying 1^st Year in Catholic Junior College. She’s from our Youth Group, YNEB3, serving as a functioning UL taking care of a pioneering group in the North East group. She also serves in the Creative Arts Front/ Drama (Acting) ministry.

After JC she hopes to study law or political science at the National University of Singapore (NUS). Her future dream is to have a chance to study theatre arts aside from the main major, and to be able to have the opportunity to script-write, cast and direct a movie or play in her lifetime!

 

Ah, me when I was 17!!!  Man, how far have I veeered from what I wanted to do since then. Never did end up in NUS. Ended up taking the Mass Communications route instead. But well, I did end up doing Political Science! Even if it meant routing an entire circle before I got here…  And as for creative arts… and scriptwriting or directing a movie/play in my life time……. Woah, something that has almost become otherworldly! :/ 

Ahhh… Wish I hadn’t deleted my old blogs. Would have been interested to track back on my youth and peer into my past hopes, dreams, blah blah blah. It’s insane how different we become when we grow up… And it hasn’t even been that long! Just..5 years. Wow.